If colleges were honest about post-grad life

A creative essay about job hunting to show you're not alone in your post-grad depression

Photo by Charles DeLoye on Unsplash

Congratulations on your degree!

We know how hard you’ve worked these last four years building your resumes and portfolios. Now, thanks to extensive research based on a diverse survey of post-graduates, here is what you can expect from the next six months:

After a month of networking and cold applying, you’ll land your first interview. You’ll prep questions, find the office on Google Maps, browse nearby apartments and bars, and establish a mental vision board for the next several years. When you don’t move on, you’ll tell yourself landing the first job you interview for was a long shot, anyway, before repeating the cycle four more times.

You’ll scan various job boards to find, oddly enough, most entry level opportunities are reserved either for students or candidates with 4-5 years’ experience. You’ll come across the perfect job listing for you, but it’s locked on a premium site you’ll think has to be a scam. You’ll be shocked to find it isn’t.

You’ll send your resume to several generous connections and each one will undo the others’ edits.

You’ll practice interviewing again and again. Some roles will interview you twice, three times, maybe four, before they reject you.

By October, you’ll have sent 109 applications, been invited to four interviews, and received 14 formal rejections.

As the job search slowly consumes your every waking moment, you’ll fall asleep to recruiters on your TikTok feed.

@farahsharghiHere’s how to answer the job interview question “Do you have any questions?” by using a technique I like to call the ‘Ask-Back’ Yes, I know what that sounded like. I’m working on my retention. Now just for some background, I’m an active recruiter who worked at Google, Lyft, Uber & TikTok and every time a candidate asked me this during my interview they almost always got a job offer. The 'Ask-Back' works like this. When an interviewer asks 'Do you have any questions for us?', Don't just say 'No'. That seems like you don't care. And don't ask about things like vacation time or benefits - save that question for the recruiter Instead, ask, "Did I answer all your questions? Is there anything you want me to explain in more depth?” This shows you want people to understand you, which shows that you are a good communicator. After that then you can ask questions about the job, the company, and the team. I have videos what else you can ask in my Interview playlist because sometimes people want to know #interviewtips #jobinterviewtips #corporatejobs #interviewbetter

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Much too late, you’ll recognize college as a unique space where you could be anything and everything: an executive editor, a filmmaker, a designer, a model, an actor, a music producer.

Around November, you’ll start a Substack.

Six months ago, you’ll think, you were shaking hands with editors at The New York Times. You interned for a distinguished media outlet, wrote for the best student-run newspaper in the country, and graduated with awards and honors. You attended all the seminars, visited professors’ office hours, and scheduled meetings with the university career center. What do you have to show for it now? You have a Substack.

You’ll wake up and wonder how another day of cold emailing and applying could be more effective than any other day in the last six months. But you’ll never get a job you don’t apply for. So, you’ll muster the energy to message another recruiter demonstrating interest in a role, right before seeing another recruiter’s post ranting about candidates who do this.

You’ll make phone call after phone call and everyone you have the privilege of speaking with will tell you: “Keep doing what you’re doing,” “You’re doing everything right,” and “You have time.”

You’ll tire of hearing, “You have time.”

You moved back home for what you believed would only be a month or two, until a month or two became three, then four, then suddenly the Christmas lights are going up, and if you read the word “rockstar” one more time you think you may strangle yourself with them.

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You’ll doubt the helpfulness of LinkedIn, inundated with layoffs, December graduates, Forbes’s “30 Under 30”’s, war crimes, and more layoffs.

You’ll wonder if you’re being too picky about the jobs you’re applying for. Or maybe you’re not picky enough?

You’ll wonder if you’re being pretentious. You’ll wonder if you’ve worked hard enough after all.

After easy applying to a sales role in a moment of weakness, you’ll get an interview. You’ll pull off the highway to a two-story, brutalist-style office complex, where the lobby smells a bit like your dentist’s office. A picture of Times Square and some motivational posters you recognized from Home Goods hang on the walls.

You’ll sit in this office with knots in your stomach and wonder if this really is for you. But what choice do you have? Everyone starts somewhere, you’ve heard before. Your first job won’t be your favorite, or your last, you’ve heard as well.

You’ll recall stories you’ve heard from older friends of roundabout career paths, how a layoff led to an opportunity, and so on. You’ll wonder if they tired of hearing “You have time.” After all, they did. They still do. So do you.

Your life these next six months will feel like the Rock Bottom episode of SpongeBob: You’re alone in a dark place, consistently missing the only bus capable of taking you up a 180-degree incline to freedom. You’ll remember the episode ended with a generous local blowing up SpongeBob’s glove-shaped balloon so he could float out. You’ll wonder where you can find a glove-shaped balloon.

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